Mother Vivian Shelby – The Seventeenth Sunday after Pentecost, September 15, 2024

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen. 

There is a lot to go over here. This gospel is in three parts, really. So the first part, he’s talking about “who am I”, and more important than that almost is “who do you think I am” when he’s talking to the disciples.

Then the second part in the gospel of Mark is his first prediction of his death and resurrection, the first time that the disciples have heard it. And then he turns to the crowd and tells them that if they follow him, what the cost will be to themselves and to their life. So we start with who is Jesus.

One of the rare times where the disciples actually get it right, they tell him who everybody else said he was, and then Peter answers correctly, “you are the Messiah.” Wow. Awesome. But don’t tell anyone. Now it was very dangerous at that time. Jesus had just started his ministry, and if the leaders got wind of it, they could actually kill him sooner, and he still had three years work to do.

So that’s why he tells them, “don’t tell anyone.” Then he gives them the passion account that he’s going to die, and Peter doesn’t say this publicly in front of the other disciples. He takes him aside and he says, “no, no, no, no, don’t, we won’t let this happen.”

And Jesus turns to the other disciples and greets him publicly and says, “get behind me, Satan. You are not focused on God. You are focused on me.” Now, get behind me, Satan. I kind of think of it as “get behind me, temptation. You are tempting me. You are trying to tempt me to feel like I have a way out, and I do not.” So then he starts to tell everyone, okay, the whole crowd, “if you want to follow me, if you want to become a Christian”, he doesn’t use that word, I do, “deny yourselves, take up your cross, and follow me.” Now, what does that mean? Deny yourselves.

That means we have to be selfless, not selfish. We have to be selfless. And then we also have to remember one thing, that it is not our place to be the center of our universe. Deny yourself. We are living for God now, not for ourselves. And then “follow me” doesn’t just mean those immediate people, like, come on and follow me after I’m done chatting with you. It’s the rest of your life. Follow me. Continue following me. When you stumble, get back up and keep following me, forever. “Deny yourselves, take up your cross, and follow me.” I think this is still very difficult for us as Christians, to do all of those things.

And it took me a really long time, and I still struggle with it, even as a priest. So I was baptized in 1993. I was 29. So that’s the first time that I really committed to Christ. I really committed to God. And I went to church, and I took classes, and did liturgy. I mean, I did all, I was all in. But it was pretty much on Sunday. And the rest of the week, I didn’t really think about God very much.

Now, I told you, at that time, even when I was baptized, I started feeling called to become a priest. But I just ignored it. It was scary. It was unknown. I didn’t understand how I could do it. I had two kids, and I stayed home. Then I went back to work, and had a huge career, making tons of money. I just didn’t see it. How is it going to happen? How can I give up my job? And how can I go to seminary for three years with kids? I didn’t see it. And because I couldn’t see it, I couldn’t trust God at that time to figure it out.

Well, I will say to you right now, if you have something in your life that is not resolving itself, some problem, some fear, some feeling, it’s because God is not done yet. God is not done. And that should bring you hope. It’s not over for God. He hasn’t finished working on you yet. Carving you. Molding you. So, do you know when I went to seminary? So, I was baptized in 1993, at 29. 2011. I fought it for 18 years. I think I did that math right. 18 years. I would go closer, and then I would pull away. And I would even make up my own version.

And at one point I said, well, you know, I can’t really go to seminary. I mean, that’s just not plausible. So, maybe I’m called to be a hospital chaplain. That’s what I’ll do. And I started looking at all of that, and nothing worked out. Nothing.

And I was so frustrated. Frustrated with God. But I wasn’t doing what he needed me to do. The thing I was born for was this. And I was afraid. So, finally, in 2011, I got really sick. It was right after that horrible housing crisis, and we couldn’t get our household in Kansas to move. And it was a mess. My life was a mess.

And then, and only then, was I able to say, “okay, let’s try it your way.” And guess what? Everything started happening. All the doors started opening. Then the household. Then, I mean, it was just like God knows. Finally, I got it right.

So, do we do this? I think we do. That’s my experience. It’s a very human thing to have a feeling come from God that you are called to something, or he wants you to do something, and then we just run with it, but it’s our version.

So, I love in James today, how he talks about following Jesus, well, my interpretation, is like a big ship. Huge ship that is run by just a very tiny rubber to tell the boat which way to go. But who is the pilot? For me, those 18 years, I was trying to be the pilot. I got this. I know where we’re going. And it was all messed up.

So, it doesn’t matter if you have your ship in order, and you have a good rudder, if you’re not letting God be your pilot. So, all of this to say, this week, I want you to think about your life. Do you have an abundance of joy? Are there things you are doing that you know God has called you to do them, and you do them, and it brings you joy? Or do you not have joy? Are you distracted by things that are human instead of things that are divine? And what’s stopping you? If you find that you’re stuck, what’s stopping you? Talk to God. Pray to God for clarity. What does he want you to do? Every morning, wake up and say, “okay, God, where are we going today? What are we doing today?” And he will show you. Who is the pilot of your ship? Amen.